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 A Little Humor

If Jesus had been a Norwegian


by the Ringling 5

3 MB audio file



Lutherans ...
  • believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray out loud.
  • like to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas.
  • believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital, even if they don't notify them that they are there.
  • usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is their way of suffering for their sins.
  • feel that applauding for the children's choirs would make the kids too proud and conceited.
  • think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while passing the peace.
  • drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.
  • still believe that an ELCA bride and an LCMS groom make for a mixed marriage.

  • feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.

  • think that Garrison Keillor stories are totally factual.

  • know that any Lutheran mother can give any Jewish mother a run for their money in the guilt department.

  • feel guilty about not feeling guilty.

  • still serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color.

  • consume some form of Jell-O at every holiday meal.

  • think that peas in a tuna noodle casserole add too much color.

  • believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously.

  • think butter is a spice.

  • volunteer to shovel the sidewalk when the only open pew is up front.

  • think the four food groups are coffee, lefse, lutefisk, and Jell-O.

  • hold family reunions in the church basement.

  • understand that P.M.S. means "Post Merger Syndrome."


You know when you're a Lutheran when:

  • It's 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service.

  • You hear something really funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you can!

  • The communion cabinet is open to all, but the coffee cabinet is locked up tight.

  • All your relatives graduated from a school named Concordia.

  • When you watch a "Star Wars" movie and they say, "May the Force be with you",  you respond, "and also with you".

  • You actually understand those folks from Lake Wobegon, MN.  

  • It takes ten minutes to say good-bye.



    How many churchgoers does it take to change a light bulb?

    Charismatic: Only one. Hand's already in the air.

    Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

    Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

    Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

    Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

    Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.

    Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell 
    him how to do it.

    Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favour of or 
    against the need for a light bulb; however, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number  of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

    Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or  completely out, you are loved -- you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday, October 14.  Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

    Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

    Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.


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6637 80th Avenue North     Glyndon MN  56547

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