- believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray out loud.
- like to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas.
- believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital, even if they don't notify them that they are there.
- usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is their way of suffering for their sins.
- feel that applauding for the children's choirs would make the kids too proud and conceited.
- think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while passing the peace.
- drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.
still believe that an ELCA bride and an LCMS groom make for a mixed marriage.
feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.
think that Garrison Keillor stories are totally factual.
know that any Lutheran mother can give any Jewish mother a run for their money in the guilt department.
feel guilty about not feeling guilty.
still serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color.
consume some form of Jell-O at every holiday meal.
think that peas in a tuna noodle casserole add too much color.
believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously.
think butter is a spice.
volunteer to shovel the sidewalk when the only open pew is up front.
think the four food groups are coffee, lefse, lutefisk, and Jell-O.
hold family reunions in the church basement.
understand that P.M.S. means "Post Merger Syndrome."
You know when you're a Lutheran when: